The trip out to Bloomington. Oh. Dear. God. Help. Us.
We made it. I swear I thought that I had an ulcer the entire time. But, somehow, by God’s grace, we made it. Car seats are truly miraculous – the way they safely contain the babies and induce sleep.
Something about parenthood – there is this undercurrent of anxiety that permeates everything in my life now like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It probably is a symptom of post-partum depression, which I may or may not have right now, more likely, it’s baby blues or some such like it. But, I have never felt so intensely uncertain and nervous about another human being’s welfare in my entire life. It isn’t just emotional – it’s physiological…my heart pounds way too often and I sometimes feel weird pressure in my feet, like I did towards the end of the pregnancy and was dealing with mild preeclampsia, high blood pressure and water retention. Entering into parenthood…means entering into a world of pain, in some ways. Heartbreak, mostly, I imagine. This is going to be a season of learning how to seriously trust…
Ultimately, I maybe wouldn’t have minded just being in a car seat the whole way…blissfully unawares and asleep. It would be nice for so many things in my life.