I feel like I’m still growing up. There are so many phases to my life even now (I keep thinking at various points in my life that I’m supposed to be done growing up in a way, but that’s definitely never going to be true!!! And maybe it’s good to constantly be learning and evolving…) let alone the little (and big) ones the twins are rapidly going through each week.
Perhaps the hardest growing-up phase has been mustering up the confidence to make decisions for them. I’ve realized that part of what made childhood so easy was never having to make decisions beyond what flavor ice cream I wanted at Baskin Robbins or what color Nikes. These days anytime Andy and I have to make a decision, even about something simple like where to eat, I desperately want him to just hurry up and decide – but then he says, “no, you decide.” We probably spend about 15 minutes trying to decide who’s going to decide where to go for dinner.
What’s helped a little in making the leap each time for any decision has been the acceptance that I will make mistakes along the way. Maybe that’s ultimately what’s been so paralyzing – the fear of royally screwing up.
Letting go of perfectionism and embracing the process instead is a much healthier way to go about parenting and life, in general.
Making decisions is a huge and unavoidable part of the process, and hopefully will end up being a positive, growing experience.
Thank goodness for an amazing partner who is in this with me 100%. Even if it takes forever to finally get going…Even if it means driving for forty-five minutes with a screaming baby trying to decide whether I should attempt to squeeze in between the car seats (in our Subaru) to calm him down…Even if it means changing my mind a couple times as we leave the restaurant parking lot…Even if it means finally stopping after just five minutes of being on the road again and jumping back there to find that I do indeed fit and to hold a pacifier in his mouth for twenty minutes so he could finally calm down and sleep.